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Man Utd used a lot of words were used to describe this zebra monstrosity.

11 of the worst kit campaigns in football history: Man Utd, Chelsea, Arsenal…

Andrew Martin •

This article is inspired by Planet Football’s rich history of highlighting the unhinged side of The Beautiful Game. It pays homage to the site’s time-honoured tradition of writing words about football in a digital format that people then read with their eyes.

Nah, for real, though, football kit campaigns have gone off the f*cking deep end, have they not? Jesus Christ. Not every single facet of a kit design has to harken back to that one time Club X lost in the final of Tournament Y a hundred years ago. Sometimes it’s okay to say, “You know what? We just like this hue of blue.”

We feel it is our duty to bring to your attention some of the more insane kit campaigns of recent times. Strap in, friends. You are about to read an awful lot of sentences that are going to make you grind your teeth into a keratinous powder.

Juventus Home Kit 2024-25

Just read this and let it sink in:

“Are you ready for a trip to the Moon?

“Black and white blend in a bold interpretation with a cosmic touch, with a subtle cratered graphic across the entire surface that reflects the unmistakable landscape of the lunar surface.

“Celebrating lunar missions – the ultimate symbol of pioneering spirit: this is the goal of the 2024/25 Home jersey, which aims to tell the story of Juventus’ dedication to pushing the boundaries of what’s possible, in continuous pursuit of progress.”

What are you talking about, Juve? Are you about to set up the first football team on the moon? If so, fair enough—that’s f*cking wild.

Although, having said that, the lack of gravity in training would probably affect performance. Not to mention the lack of atmosphere at home games…

Chelsea Home Kit 2024-25

Okay, let’s go through this one line by line, because it is *demented*.

“A new era under head coaches Enzo Maresca and Sonia Bompastor brings with it new energy, new passion, and a new fire.”

Sure, fine, whatever.

“The hottest part of the flame burns blue.

“The centrepiece of the new home shirt is the vibrant blue colour, symbolising the hottest part of a flame, and the burning passion to unite the entire club behind a shared ambition to succeed on and off the pitch.”

No. It’s blue because Chelsea wear blue. Don’t come at me with that Bunsen burner rigmarole.

“Adding a unique touch to the design, an orange accent colour represents a different kind of fire coming through the ranks at the club.”

They’ve… They’ve set the academy on fire…?

“Chelsea’s Cobham training centre is world-renowned for nurturing talent onto the world’s stage. Our current Men’s and Women’s squad are a blend of exciting homegrown and international youth talent, ready to make their mark. This orange accent serves as a symbol of their vibrant energy and potential.”

Please stop. Stop reverse engineering these kit designs. Someone clicked orange on whatever computer programme these kits were designed on, and asked you to create lore. We know it, you know it, they know it, don’t patronise us.

“Continuing the story of Chelsea’s historic success and the dynamic culture of London, the home shirt features a distinctive ‘melting pot’ pattern. Resembling liquid gold and silver, this pattern represents the fusion of Chelsea’s rich legacy with the ever-hot youth culture of the city.”

Get in the bin.

Real Madrid Home Kit 2024-25

“The new pure and minimalist design looks back to the club’s roots by exalting its iconic ‘White’.”

‘White’. Hell’s teeth, man.

Manchester United Third Kit 2020-21

You remember this kit. Shirt, shorts, and socks, all in black & white zig-zag stripes.

“Manchester United’s relationship with all-over stripes goes back to the team’s first year at its home in Old Trafford, when the team wore a classic blue-and-white striped shirt as the alternative kit. The collar on this new jersey features a ‘110 years of stripes’ sign-off, signifying the history of the club’s jerseys. “

If you run this through Google Translate from Horse Sh*t to English, you get: ‘We’ve done a kit that looks like a zebra lol.’

Cardiff Home Kit 2012-13

It’s been over a decade since Vincent Tan changed the Bluebirds’ home colours from blue to red, like a lunatic. The press release for this short-loved and wildly ill-advised decision included the following:

“There is no getting away from the fact that history and traditions are the lifeblood of any club and as such should be jealously guarded and preserved.

“Both the board and our investors fully understand and respect this and will do their utmost to uphold, protect and promote the values and virtues which the club stands for.”

By changing the most fundamental aspect of the club’s appearance and 104 years worth of tradition…

 

Manchester United Home Kit 2024-25

Man United’s new home kit is red. It is a red football shirt. That’s about all there is to say about it. Or so you’d think!

“Our new 2024/25 apparel takes its inspiration from a kit worn by the Busby Babes in the early 1950s that was made from reflective materials.

“The reason for those reflective materials? To aid visibility on the pitch in the early years of evening games being played under floodlights.”

Unless they’re planning on getting dimmer switches on the floodlights at Old Trafford, we reckon they could’ve just made the kits out of regular materials, as opposed to mirror fibres or whatever the f*ck.

READ NEXT: 6 of the wildest and worst kits of 2024-25 feat. Chelsea, Arsenal, Man Utd…

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Bedale AFC Home Kit  2022-23

Bedale’s whole schtick is being the team with the weird kits. They have been since 2017. In 2022-23, they went for a particularly fetching toad in-the-hole theme, with a mixed veg goalkeeper kit.

“We’ve gone a bit more traditional this year–last year’s was very hard hitting and got the prostate cancer message across, but it did cause some problems playing when the temperature rose

“Taking the classic Toad in the Hole and giving it a whole new meaning…and name! Welcome Bedale AFC’s latest sausage-themed football strip: Toad in the Goal”.

Listen, they raise awareness for charity. More power to them.

CD Palencia 2015-16 Playoffs Kit

You can rely on Kappa for a really nice football kit, usually. This one might be the exception that proves the rule…

For some reason, Palencia, who were about to battle for promotion to the Spanish third tier via the playoffs in 2015-16, decided to bring out this ultra-harrowing skin suit situation specially for those games.

The tweets that went out announcing the kit’s release were accompanied with the hashtag #Nosdejamoslapiel. Which translates as ‘we give our skin’.

To be fair, they got promoted, so maybe they were onto something. We wouldn’t want to play against a team of living night terrors. Unfortunately, the club disbanded in 2018, just seven years after being founded.

Arsenal Men’s Away Kit 2023-24

Last season’s Arsenal away kit was one of the worst we’ve ever seen. It absolutely stank. And that’s odd, because Arsenal and Adidas have rarely missed when it comes to designing kits in the past. Here’s what the press release had to say about the day-glo vomslick.

“The striking shirt is adorned with fluid black lines that take inspiration from the map of Islington. The intricate design symbolizes the trips that fans embark on when they leave their home borough to support the team away from home.”

Nah, not having it. Take the loss and move on.

Arsenal's players celebrate after winning the English Premier League soccer match between Manchester United and Arsenal at the Old Trafford Stadium in Manchester, England, Sunday, May 12, 2024. Arsenal won 1-0

Northern Ireland Home Kit 2024

Honestly just fed up with silly little affectations used as marketing ploys.

“The contrasting strips feature sound wave graphics that pay tribute to the chants around the National Football Stadium at Windsor Park on matchdays, while the crew neckline and short sleeves keep it classic.”

F*cking soundwaves. Matter of time till players have their own distinctive QR codes printed onto their shirts, which are scanned by the cameras, causing their own personal goal music to play through the tannoy when they score.

If you’re a kit manufacturer reading this—don’t you f*cking dare.

Manchester City Third Kit 2021-22

Puma saw fit to design a cookie-cutter template for Manchester City’s 2021-22 third kit, the likes of which might set you back €5 at a beachside market stall in Fuerteventura.

“The bold new progressive jersey takes traditional design and rewrites the rules to push the boundaries of football kit design.”

The press release lied. They even chucked in a quote from a player for good measure.

“I wanted something different, and we definitely got that, I really like the design because the badge may change over time, but the name will live on forever”

That’s a quote from then-City skipper Fernandinho about the kit which was exactly the same as Puma’s template design for PSV, Fenerbahce, Marseille, Milan, Borussia Dortmund, Borussia Monchengladbach, Valencia, Stade Rennais, Shakhtar Donetsk, and Krasnodar.

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